· Mum. There is something I can do that you can't do.

· What's that John?

· Grow up.

· Mum I'm going to buy you a nice teapot for your birthday.

· But I've already got one.

· No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

· You should have been at home two hours ago!

· Why Mum? Did I miss something interesting?

Student: Should somebody be punished for something they haven't done?

Teacher: Of course they shouldn't.

Student: Good because I haven't done my homework.

Teacher: If I had eight oranges in my left hand what would I have?

Student: Full hands sir!

· Where were you born?

· America.

· Which part?

· All of me – of course!

· Where can you always find happiness?

· In the dictionary.