Everybody wants to have a dog as intelligent as Lassie, as lonely as Dżok and as
versatile as Chalcy. But I am not a "walking machine"!
My name is Apis.
I don’t like coconuts and the most important words for me are:
-”Don't forget the dog food!”
However, I don’t like it when somebody tells me:
-“Good dog, stay home.”
***
But let’s start from the time I was a little puppy.
When I was a young puppy, I didn’t understand the world and the world didn’t understand
me. After coming to my new home the first thing I did was hide under my new masters'
car and I refused to come out. That was very funny!
The following days of my new life were quite interesting as I came to two observations
- one good and the other bad. The bad one was “a good dog stays at home” and the
good one was “Don't forget the dog food”.
My favourite activity was peeing everywhere. At night when everybody was sleeping
I used to climb onto my masters' bed. When they woke up at 9 a.m. they saw me sleeping
in their bed. But I didn’t climb on the bed for fun. I used this bed as a toilet.
Because I was a very polite dog, I didn’t want to wake my masters up and I just
peed on their bed.
During my life I have developed lots of theories. For example: “Why do I have to
bark all the time if I haven’t got anything interesting to say”? This is my favourite
theory as I created it during difficult moments of my life. But I had lots of stupid
moments in my life too. For example, I wanted to welcome my female master. So I
came down to the gate. Since she was on the other side of the gate I stuck my head
through the gate and … I couldn’t remove it. I started moving the gate to the right
and left, but I was stuck. “What a shame!”- I started thinking.
One day I felt like eating some delicious dessert. But dogs don’t eat desserts …
but they would like to!!! One day I was offered dessert because my she-human had
ice cream. As she was eating the ice cream, it started dripping onto the floor.
I started to suck it up as quickly as a vacuum cleaner. When I finished, I just
licked my mouth. Then I looked at my human and asked with my expression: “Do you
have more?” She answered: “Yes we have more. But you must do something to get it.”
So she went inside the house and then went outside with a dog-cookie for me. She
didn’t say anything, and then … I sat down and lifted one paw and then the second
one. She just threw this cookie to me and I caught it. So everybody started thinking
“what an intelligent dog” but not for long...
One beautiful afternoon I was sitting in the garden. I was trying to fall asleep
when I saw a cat in our neighbors’ garden. Everybody knew that I hated cats. So
when I saw that critter, I just knew I had to explain some important things to him
and started chasing him. The cat began running and I wanted to catch him. I was
running very fast so the cat climbed a tree. No problem, I climbed the tree too.
When we were on the branch I started falling down. And then when I opened my eyes
I just saw the cat sitting on the branch. I went back home and I went to sleep as
every part of my body was in pain.
After sleeping for 15 minutes I heard a fire brigade. I started howling: “AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!
AUUUU!!! Everything hurt, but I had to do it; it’s a dog’s duty. If you hear an
ambulence, the police or the fire brigade, you must bark all the time. You can stop
only if you know everybody is safe. So I was barking all the time like an idiot.
I have tried to count my time on this earth. I am 4 years old. I have spent 3 years
of my life sleeping, 1 year making lots of jokes and trying to learn something.
After spending 4 years in this world I must admit that I have changed my mind: "Being
a dog is a full time job.”
