Jokes:
About school:
Student: Should somebody be punished for something they haven't done?
Teacher: Of course they shouldn't.
Student: Good because I haven't done my homework.
Teacher: If I had eight oranges in my left hand what would I have?
Student: Full hands sir!
Mummy! Mummy!
· Mum. There is something I can do that you can't do.
· What's that John?
· Grow up.
· Mum I'm going to buy you a nice teapot for your birthday.
· But I've already got one.
· No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.
· You should have been at home two hours ago!
· Why Mum? Did I miss something interesting?
Where?!
· Where were you born?
· America.
· Which part?
· All of me – of course!
· Where can you always find happiness?
· In the dictionary.
Doctor! Doctor!
Doctor: How are those pills I gave you to improve your memory?
Patient: What pills?
Doctor: I have to tell you that you are seriously ill. Is there anything you'd like?
Patient: Yes, a second opinion
Waiter! Waiter!
•Waiter, how long will the fish be?
•About 15 centimetres.
· Waiter is this water healthy?
· We only serve well water sir.
Tongue twisters:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
•She sells seashells by the seashore.
•How much caramel can a canny cannonball cram in a camel if a canny cannonball can cram caramel in a camel?
If you can't can any candy can, how many candy cans can a candy canner can if he can can candy cans ?
DICTIONARY: woodchuck – świstak, chuck – rzucać, canny – sprytny, cannonball – kula armatnia, cram – wypchać, can - puszka, candy - łakoć